Yesterday’s post mentioned that I ended up giving my number to a cute barback when I went out to watch the World Series last week. While he was clearly flattered in the moment, I haven’t heard anything from him. That’s totally fine, but I’m sure that I’ll be back in the bar he works at before long, which made me think about what it might be like to see him again.
I totally imagined the scene in my head and I will now share it with you in the form of an open letter. While this is inspired by one specific guy, it’s kind of a general attitude I have toward any guy I would hit on, but I don’t do it all that often, so it’s easier to just kind of write it to him!
Dear Cute Barback who never used my number after I gave it to him,
I haven’t seen you since it happened, but since I like the bar you work in enough to spend almost a month there watching post-season baseball, it’s likely that I’ll be in again and I will see you soon. It’s also likely that you’re going to think that it’s awkward. I promise you it’s not though, at least not for me. If things were awkward every time a guy I was interested in wasn’t interested in me, I would never want to go out and I might have made it through Netflix’s entire library by now.
See, I made sure you had a way to contact me because I wanted to get to you know a bit better, which means I don’t actually know you well enough yet to know whether or not I’m missing out on anything by you not calling or texting. I do happen to know myself pretty well though, so I know for a fact that you’re missing out.
I mean, I’m completely ridiculous.
Ridiculous in the kind of way that will have you either laughing or rolling your eyes at me fairly regularly, sometimes even both.
That’s probably evidenced by the tweet that I mentioned you in, sorry if your coworkers gave you crap for that, but that’s pretty typical me.
I’m also a pretty decent cook and I can’t help but cook for like 7 people at a time, so there are literally always leftovers that I would very much like to share with someone. Plus, I don’t have much of a sweet tooth, so I haven’t baked in longer than I would like. Name the baked good and I’ll give it a shot. Even if it’s got something in it that I don’t like, I’ll try it!
I’ve been itching for a Battlestar Gallactica rewatch, but I could definitely use a rewatch buddy, and I definitely wouldn’t mind it if that buddy was also someone to make out with between episodes.
I am a fantastic little spoon, but if you’d like, I would be totally willing to take a shot as big spoon! Not while sleeping though, I like to stretch a bit.
I’m a crazy plant lady, but none of my plants are traditional flowers so you’re probably not allergic to them and I don’t have animals for you to be allergic too. Also, you’ll never leave my place with animal hair* all over your clothes.
You definitely don’t have to shave to date me, in fact, I can almost guarantee that I prefer you not.
I’m realizing that you might actually think I’m too young for you. I bet you I’m not! Do you remember the group I was hanging out with while watching all those games? Turns out, I was actually the oldest. Yup, I’m even older than the guy with the great beard.
This list is definitely not all-inclusive, but I think it makes my point pretty well for how fantastic I am. You might be almost as awesome as I am, but it’s your choice to keep that from me, so I have to assume that I’m not actually missing out on anything but seeing your face more often. Let’s be honest though, I’m plenty bummed about that.
If you still have that number of mine, now is probably a great time to use it. I promise not to hold your hesitance against you, but I can’t promise I won’t tease you a little bit!
The hot girl who gave you her number
*I make no guarantees about glitter though.