Skip to content


Bring on the scary.

I did something really kind of scary today. Something that I never even thought I would ever have the opportunity to do, but because of one good friend, I did have that opportunity. I shared what I was doing with a select group of friends and even though I was questioning taking action, every time I shared it with someone, they told me I should definitely make a move even before I could share my fears with them. That my friends’ confidence in me is that strong and that unwavering pushed me past the doubts that I had.

It’s been a stressful week that has included a lot of excitement and a lot of hard work. The thing though, is that never did I feel like I wouldn’t be able to accomplish the task in front of me. I knew what I needed to do and I just kept working through the stress. It’s similar to when I was in school full time. I never gave myself credit for what I did then. I worked full time and took a full load of classes and was proud of everything I turned in. Oh, and I was on a championship dodgeball team too!

Sure, there were people who did a lot more than I did, but that’s not what this is about. This week I met every challenge placed before me and I’m proud of having done it.

Look out, because I’m planning on doing more. I like this feeling and I intend to give myself more instances for this totally justified pride.

Bring on the frightening goals. Bring on the things I’ve never done before. Bring whatever you’ve got, because no matter it what it is, I’m coming for it and I’m pretty sure that I’m going to take it down.

I’m still alive!

If you’ve ever been around me and brought up the topic of hangovers, you have probably heard me say how rarely I get them. I’m generally good about drinking water before going to bed, and also my body is apparently just awesome.

I’ve had maybe 4 true hangovers in my life.

Today I had the worst ever.

(And people at work hate me because they couldn’t tell except for when I was complaining.)

I think it might have had something to do with the variety (OK yeah, and volume) of alcohol I consumed.

Paige and I started off with peach mimosas. We each had half the bottle of peach champagne, and not much OJ.

Then we got into the wine. Each of us had one, it only seemed fair!

We were getting ready to go dancing, which was just a few blocks away, so we put some Crown Royal in our Dr Pepper that came with our dinner and hit the streets. (We’re totes rebels.)

Once we were at the club, I ordered us Shirley Temple Blacks, but we got whisky-cokes with grenadine in them. It worked.

After last call, apparently I was missing my BiSCuits, because we decided that we needed to go get some dragonfruit Skyy to put in the orange juice we had back at the apartment. It was just as delicious.

This morning was interesting, but the 8 hour shift I worked after it was just awful.

But the good news is, I’m finding wines I like!

Wait, right?

Still doing VEDA kind of

I’m still over on YouTube, doing the videos thing for most of the month of August. Just in case you were worried.

I spent this weekend and my birthday in Chicago, which was nothing short of phenomenal. So much love and encouragement at just the right time for me to hear it.

I heard so many amazing things this weekend, and I hope to share some more of them with you soon, but for now, a few things that Jenny Blake said are still roaming around my head, pushing me to take some action.

Jenny told us about an instance in which a friend asked her, “How would you feel if one year from now, you haven’t made any changes in your life?” That started a whole new round of tears after the ones that morning that came from being so overwhelmed by the love the internet showed me on my birthday morning. There is so much that has already changed in the past year, that I can’t imagine that anything will be the same one year from now.

But there’s a difference in me now. I now have plans and want to put them into action, which is different than the things that I’ve just stumbled into in the past 8 months.

It is again, something Jenny said that is inspiring me to write this post in the middle of a super busy week of a super busy month. She spoke about accountability and how it’s so easy to not follow through if no one else knows that you want to do something. I mean, it is super easy to justify it to yourself that sleep, or socializing, or whatever, is more fun than putting the work into something that you really need to, but I’m so much less likely to even try to explain that to someone else!

So this is me, telling you guys the same thing that I announced in my VEDA post yesterday.

I’m really going to start selling my glitter shoes now.

Like really.

I want to clean up the page on here for them, and get the Etsy page more active. I also want to sell at a local show called the Midtown Bazaar for the October Second Saturday. If I can swing it to sell before that on a “regular” Saturday, I’d totally be down for that as well. I’d like to have a minimum of 20 pairs to sell there, and I have the materials for 11 now. I’m hoping that I can sell a few pairs on Etsy to cover the cost of supplies before then.

So there it is. It’s out there now. If you’ve read this, I hit publish and I can’t take it back.

Any tips on making it easier for me to make it happen?

A different kind of post-BiSC post.

This is a hard one to write. Mostly because I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea, so please bear with me. Also, I’m going to steal some happy pictures to mix it up in here because this is way more of a downer post than I like to share.

I learned something big about myself when I went to Las Vegas last weekend. Something that I’ve realized a few times before, but it’s never really stuck the way I hope it will now.

I’m hesitant to tell this story because I’m not at all convinced that I can tell it in a way that makes any sense to anyone but myself, but I think it’s a story I need to get out of my own head.

I broke down in Vegas.

Like really bad. Bawling in the hotel room by myself praying that my roommate wouldn’t come back because I couldn’t explain it externally but not strong enough to turn to the person on the trip who I knew I could talk to because she was already in bed. I know now that I could have talked to anyone on the trip, but in that moment I couldn’t see that. Also, I didn’t want to wake anyone up.

I direct messaged one girl who had just tweeted and I hoped was still awake. I love her for responding even though she was headed to bed, and even more for not asking about it in the morning. She probably doesn’t even remember the exchange now, but the fact that she responded at all definitely helped.

The breakdown started when we were all at PURE. I couldn’t find a guy there to make out with like I’d intended, and my knee and feet were hurting. I was in love with Katelin for agreeing to go upstairs with me. I was in some serious pain and I really just didn’t want to go up alone. My pain made me ridiculously boring though, so when Nicole and Ashley agreed that they’d be cool to head to somewhere not clubby, I was very happy. Katelin stayed for a little longer and I hope she had fun!

The first hint of tears came on the walk back to the Flamingo. I tried to kind of keep it just between Nicole and I that I needed to stay active until I was ready to pass out or I would end up crying. I immediately regretted saying anything, because I couldn’t hold them back once someone else knew that they might come. Nicole and Ashley were awesome though in being super supportive, both of the reasons that I was crying and the fact that I didn’t want to cry anymore.

So upstairs we went. It was time to get into more comfortable clothes and check out what kind of damage we could do on the slots. Before the tears, I was totes down to do this in pajamas. Post tears though, the skinny jeans and heels were making an appearance. The night wasn’t over, who said I couldn’t find a boy in the casino to hit on me? Or maybe even convince me to go somewhere else where I would want to be more presentable than the booty shorts I wore to bed on the trip. (Thinking back, the booty shorts might have been a better option for that making out thing.)

My roommate was actually in the room, which was good because it meant that a few others came to join us to hang out for a little while before we headed back down to the casino.

Playing the slots was fun, though someone has a very pokey excited finger. (No bruise, and now I’m totes missing that finger. Also the winning that was coming with it!) I was up about $45/50 bucks for the night, which would have been about breaking even for the weekend, when I should have gone up and gone to bed. But if you read my last post, you already know that I don’t trust my gut on these things, so I stayed. My mood spiraled pretty quickly, though I hope that I was doing a decent job of hiding that, though I really don’t know if I was.

I went upstairs and had the full on breakdown. The kind of breakdown in which I knew that I wouldn’t want to get up in the morning, so I forced myself to pack as much as I could so I could sleep in the morning instead. The entire time I was crying. Mostly because I felt really alone and I felt that it was something I couldn’t do anything about either.

I often feel left out of things, like no one cares if I’m there. The last year or so of my life has included more of this feeling than ever before. I really don’t understand it, I don’t hear about things until after they happen or right before so I can’t go anyway. When I am places, I sometimes feel like I disappear and I might as well not be there anyway. It’s not so fun. What’s weird about feeling that way in my hotel room in Vegas though, is that I was invited to things that weekend, and people did notice me.

Even though there were smaller groups within the large group, at no time did I feel that I couldn’t hang out with any of those smaller groups. So pretty much, this was me feeling rejected by a bunch of guys I didn’t want at PURE, and projecting my feelings from the last year onto this group of amazing people who don’t deserve that at all.

Why do I get this feeling in such an awesome group? Because I’m lame. I have this desire to be sought out, to know that it’s not just appreciated that I’m there, but that I’m wanted there when I’m not.

Why couldn’t I have focused on the lunches and brunches that I was invited to? Or the texts from my roommate and other friends when we were doing different things, asking where I was? What about that awesome new friend who stopped by your slot machine and leaned in to tell you she thought you looked beautiful that night? Hello Katherine! Those are things that indicate that people want you around! Not only that, but even if you don’t interact with them, they are noticing you!

Also, the times that people went and did things that I wasn’t explicitly invited to? Totes nothing wrong with that. If I’d wanted to go, I should have made that clear. I should have been seeking people out as well.

This is the kind of thing that seems to work just like chivalry, which I don’t believe I can expect if I’m not also willing to give. This is why I will probably hold the door open for you if you I get there first (or go through a non-spinning one with you in solidarity).

I really can’t wait to go back again next year and show all of the awesome people who are there what it’s really like to hang out with me. I’m pretty sure that the times people did see me, they didn’t get that I wasn’t so happy. Especially since when I was around everyone I was happy! But I definitely didn’t see anyone nearly enough.

That’s going to change, and I hope that it’s going to change before BiSC 2012. I’m coming to see all you awesome people, whether you invite me or not!

21 things I learned from BiSC

I went to Vegas this past weekend. It was beyond description, so I’m not even going to try. Instead I’m going to share with you some of the things I learned while hanging out with so many awesome people at Bloggers in Sin City.

So here’s what I wrote while waiting for my flight back to Sacramento from hanging out with Ashley for another day. Pictures may come later.

◆ I can be a gossip, but I can also hold my tongue.

◆ I am more willing to take fashion/hair risks (as in try something I haven’t, not be too outrageous) when I’m on vacation. *

◆ When I’m up on the slots, I should listen to my gut and walk away.

◆ I should listen to my gut in general.

◆ I can’t take a flight without making friends.

◆ Sometimes, unpacking at the hotel IS nice.


◆ People really can surprise you. In both positive and negative ways.

◆ Lions really are awesome.

◆ The internet is totes cuter in person. TOTES!

◆ Star Wars slots give mini massages.

◆ Las Vegas does not seem to like Dr Pepper. I will never be okay with this.

◆ Not-Chinese tightrope walkers are rather hot. Even before smiling with their dimples and taking off their shirt to reveal an upper body that can’t even be blamed for the tribal tattoo.

◆ Las Vegas DJs all use the same 6 songs, none of which are very good.

◆ I’m really good at taking my badge off before I do something stupid.

◆ Glitter shoes are awesome. (Okay, I’m padding the list, I already knew that.)

◆ Saying goodbye to friends is easier when you know you’ll talk to them again as soon as you land.

◆ I’m the opposite of a robot.

◆ Quack means no.

◆ I really like being able to walk anywhere I need/want to go. (Slight pad. I’ve forgotten this since living in the suburbs again.)

◆ I need business cards.

I need a ring.

The past nine months have not exactly been fun when it comes to emotions and having to deal with them and all.

Nine months ago I was absolutely, positively head over heels in love. I would have hopped a plane to Vegas had the idea been suggested, whether I had the money or not. All that really mattered to me was the man that I was with and the fact that I could do anything as long as he was by my side.

I was totally ready to marry this man.

He wasn’t the man he had tried to be while with me though. The story of the breakup is not one that I want to get into detail with here. For those who stuck through the months of not-so-me tweets and postings, thank you. The rest of you aren’t really here to read this, and I’m getting off my topic anyway.

Part of my troubles with getting back to myself is that during my relationship with Shadow Boy* I grew to a point in which I became ready for marriage. After the breakup, I was still ready to be married, but the person I wanted that to be with was not an option.

Dating isn’t exactly easy when you’re already in a place that you’re ready for a ring though, because it’s hard to just get to know someone slowly. I don’t know that I could possibly explain myself adequately, so I’ll settle for inadequate and vague! I know that I want to take time to get to know someone, but at the same time, I already want to be at that comfortable stage where sitting at home reading for homework or writing an essay is still awesome to be doing together.

It’s rather frustrating.

In some ways, The Professor and I were getting to that comfortable stage pretty easily, and I could see that happening with us both having so much homework if we were still seeing each other. (More on that later, I’m bummed but it’s ok.)

When thinking more about it, I realized that it’s not going to be easy to be ready to “settle down” while also trying to date. Dating is supposed to be adventurous and exciting, while the phrase, “settle down” is just the opposite of that. (That’s not to say that people who are married are not having adventures, in fact I know that to be the opposite!) While thinking about this at work the other day, I was struck with an idea.

I’m ready to be married, and I need to be taking care of myself right now.

So why don’t I just marry myself?

Stop laughing, I’m totes serious. (You can tell because I said, “totes.”)

I mentioned it to an awesome co-worker, and she totally understood without me having to explain. I think she might do the same, which is awesome because now I’ll have a non-couple to double date with! We’re actually going to check out Sacramento Magazine‘s 10 Best Cocktails and discuss life and such some time this week.

Perhaps after we do that I’ll be able to let you know a little more about what I mean with this whole marrying myself kind of thing!

*I know that I had changed his name, but considering how things turned out and why, I think I was right about him from the beginning.

Crap, now I have to look cute

Just over two weeks ago (don’t do the calendar math on that, and if you do, definitely don’t tell the ladies of the VDay Revolution what you figure out) I signed up with a dating site. While I will admit that I am a relatively attractive lady, I have been surprised by the amount of attention I’ve received.

While I’ve enjoyed a lot of it, it hasn’t all been awesome. There was one boy in particular who I was really starting to take a likin’ to, perhaps I got kind of stoked when there was an invitation to coffee or drinks. As soon as I responded, saying that drinks sounded great though, he pulled a Houdini! There are also some boys whom I find attractive, and I can see have looked at my profile, but I get a very passive rejection from them when they have obviously checked me out and then don’t message me. (I’m kind of reaching with that example, I know.)

I mention these as evidence that I’m not simply being adored.

I am still getting more attention than I expected, though. I mean, there are some damn pretty women in Sacramento. I happen to know at least two of them who are also on this site (and I’m glad that we have enough difference in taste of guys that we’re not really competing). The rest of the girls out there though, they’ve got to be offering something decent, right? Don’t answer that, I don’t really want to think about it. (I swear I’m not jealous or insecure, really!)

As of Sunday night, I’ve got two dates scheduled for this week. One of these guys I’ve started to get to know a bit and I’m really stoked for the awesome conversation that’s sure to ensue. He actually made a comment with that same idea the other night, which definitely felt nice. If he passes the first date perhaps I’ll tell you about how he’s already doing things at my request! The other one is going to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows with me, though we’ve both mentioned our hesitations to meeting up with people from the site.

You guys, the first time we’re meeting is to see Harry Potter! Is it just me, or is that already a pretty awesome step up from my ex, who after hearing about my dream job (which includes an abundance of Mr. H.P.) repeatedly told me that he believes J.K. Rowling got lucky?

There’s just one little problem with all this attention and the pair of dates this week. I have to look cute y’all! I’m not just talking about my normal being presentable in public kind of cute, I want to impress these potential suitors, so I’m going for kind of adorable, but, you know, HOT!

I’m thinking about testing that idea that wearing red on a first date is supposed to have a positive impact on how the night goes. Though if I do that, my red lipstick will be too much (for my coloring at least).

Do you have any first date practices or tips? I’ve never been much of a dater, I could use them! Also, did I mention my first of the two dates is tonight? Yeah, help!

Getting Excited!

I’ve been blogging (rather inconsistently) for a little while now, and in that time I have found a friend or two in this here blog-o-sphere. Not nearly as many friends as I would like, mostly because these people are kind of insanely cool and I am just a little terribly, frightfully intimidated by them.

Yet, these people are opening up registration for a gathering they’re having to the first 100 people who sign up!

I can get in without having to impress one of them enough for an invite! And even better than that, when I’ve mentioned my excitement about going on Twitter, I’ve gotten replies from some of them encouraging me to attend!

Psst! I think I might actually be getting closer to being cool!

(I say closer because honestly, as cool as these bloggers are, most fall into the category of nerd, or geek on some level. So yeah, I’m getting to cool, but it’s with awesome cool nerds!)

Oh, and that event that they’re letting me come to…

It’s called Bloggers in Sin City, which of course means that those 100 of us who are going will be taking over VEGAS BABY!!!!

It also happens to be the weekend that I would be walking across a graduation stage to get my BA in English from Sac State. I’m actually okay with this. I had only just started to get excited about walking, and I can do that in another year after my credential.

To those of you reading this who will be attending Bloggers in Sin City, I expect to have a drink from each of you at the opening night mixer!

I can’t register until my student loans for this semester come in, which has actually turned into quite a relief. This means that I have about a week to obsessively watch the number of available spots go down and hope that I get the money in time, while also figuring out exactly what to put in the scary box to introduce yourself and perhaps even take a decent picture to include with registration! Maybe I’ll get my hair cut before then!

What would you put in a box with this description? “Introduce yourself! What are 5 things that everyone going to BiSC should know about you? (Yes, this will be published on the website!)”

I’m going to a picnic

You know the road trip game “I’m going to a picnic,” right?

One person starts off saying “I’m going to a picnic and I’m bringing ________.” The blank is something starting with the letter a, and then the next person repeats what the first said, adding something that starts with the letter b. This would repeat until the group is done with the alphabet. If you’re playing competitively, the first person to not remember something on the list as they are adding to it loses and is out. If you’re just having fun it’s cool to help them remember.

A bit back my brother and his boyfriend and I played on our way to our grandparents’ cabin and it looks like it would be a very interesting picnic!

I started it off, then my brother and then his boyfriend. We just played for fun, so if you would like to know who came up with which, you should be able to figure it out based on that!

I’m going to a picnic and I’m bringing..

An avalanche
a blizzard
a cyclone,
the DANGER zone
forrest fires,
Horatio Sans,
an incubus,
Justin Beiber,
Katharine McPhee,
moo shoo pork,
a neanderthal,
the occult,
the underworld,
violins (on tv)
Yoko Ono,
and the Zombie apocalypse.

Interesting picnic, no?

Your turn! If you were going to a picnic what would you bring?

Happy New Year!

Whoa do I feel like I have a million things to say. The trouble is that I don’t seem to know how to share without over sharing. This has kept me quiet recently, but no longer!

I’ve been reading some amazing blogs lately by some really amazing ladies who are showing me that it’s ok to still be figuring some things out at 27.

At the risk of being cliche and whatnot, I’ve got some plans for the next 363 days or so. For the biggest things I want to do, I’ve been inspired by some of the best things that happened in my life in the previous 367 days…

I got a niece! Her name is McKayla and that would be her smiling just a few days ago while I was making silly noises. She also likes to give me weird looks when I say bless you after she sneezes. Perhaps one day I’ll post that video.

McKayla has this magical effect in which I want to be super awesome. Not only to be a great role model for her, but to definitely be the coolest of her aunts and uncles. I have to admit that if I just buck up and do the things that make me happy, there’s no way that I can not do that.

This is what I wore on New Year’s Eve and it was lots of fun. Please excuse the lack of having done my hair for the dressing room at Express. The inspiration that this conjures though is to build my wardrobe. I feel like I wear the same things all the time, which is ok for the most part, but I’d like to be able to mix it up when I’d like. Plus, you know, having a good party dress on hand is definitely something that could come in handy.

This would be the main accessory to my NYE dress. At least this is them in their transition from basic brown heels I found at Goodwill to turquoise glitter heels!!!

I’m not sure yet what all the projects will be yet, but I’m going make something new at least once a month this year. I’m hoping to start on a baby blanket this week. I should actually be able to finish it if I can get a few hours in, but Melinda and I may get distracted by an adorable (almost) 10 month old.

And this tall drink of water would be my other main accessory last Friday night. Valerie and I work together and hung out for the first time outside of work on New Year’s Eve. It was nothing short of awesome. Hanging out with a new friend is definitely in the top 2 ways I have ever spent New Year’s Eve. Especially if that myth that the way you spend NYE is indicative of the way that the rest of your year will go. I mean, hanging out with new friends is a pretty awesome way to do it right?

So I plan on doing that a bit more this year.

Seriously though, the first three hours of this year were the coolest. One awesome friend I’ve known for a while and one new one with In-n-Out burger!

(And yes, she’s wearing the heels I glittered because her shoes were not working for her at the end of the night. How many of you just picked up on the fact that my new friend and I wear the same size shoes? Bonus!)

Previous picture removed by request.

I fell in love with the kind of man I didn’t believe existed. Even better than that, he fell in love with me too! That hasn’t lasted through the year, but that’s ok.

The only inspiration I have from this is to remember that it’s possible and keep doing all the other things that make me happy.

I think McKayla will help with that last bit.