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Saint Lexi

While I’ve totally spoken here before about things like BiSC and all the love I have for the folks who attended, I’ve got some other internet loves.

Saint Lexi is one of them.

She and I met like 5 years ago way over on LiveJournal when she posted something about one little change that she didn’t want to make to get rid of someone she needed to get rid of. While I totes understood the wanting to hold her ground, I was able to pull the objective outsider card and tell her to just cut that last little cord.

Since then, she’s become one of the go-to friends when I can’t make a decision. Even about totally silly things. She never judges and I know that I can trust her to be honest.

She’s way into awesome things like this new paranormal experience thing that I am seriously under informed on right now, but pretty much if you want to go on a ghost hunt, talk to Lexi!

Oh, and a couple years ago she decided that she was going to stop buying all of the things for New Year’s and instead post about Not Buying on Tumblr and make people like me want all of the things instead. She now gets to travel a lot more and she and her husband totes own an adorable home that I need to come see.

I don’t think that I’ve talked much here about my postcard wall, but she’s definitely the one with the most postcards on it, and she mentioned something about being able to add to it again. I don’t think I can really express the love I have for this girl enough. She’s seen me through all of my major breakups (though one of those was that we met right after it happened) and we’ve had times that we go for a while without talking, but I feel like we pick up again right away any random day.

Oh, and she’s got some really awesome hair!

There is all sorts of awesome that I know I’m forgetting here because I’m writing it way too late at night, so you’ll probably hear about her again. I’ll definitely have better information on the things that she’s doing then!

Until then, go follow her Tumblr and crave and giggle because of her amazing lust for the amazing and silly! (Though silly is often totes awesome too.)

A different kind of post-BiSC post.

This is a hard one to write. Mostly because I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea, so please bear with me. Also, I’m going to steal some happy pictures to mix it up in here because this is way more of a downer post than I like to share.

I learned something big about myself when I went to Las Vegas last weekend. Something that I’ve realized a few times before, but it’s never really stuck the way I hope it will now.

I’m hesitant to tell this story because I’m not at all convinced that I can tell it in a way that makes any sense to anyone but myself, but I think it’s a story I need to get out of my own head.

I broke down in Vegas.

Like really bad. Bawling in the hotel room by myself praying that my roommate wouldn’t come back because I couldn’t explain it externally but not strong enough to turn to the person on the trip who I knew I could talk to because she was already in bed. I know now that I could have talked to anyone on the trip, but in that moment I couldn’t see that. Also, I didn’t want to wake anyone up.

I direct messaged one girl who had just tweeted and I hoped was still awake. I love her for responding even though she was headed to bed, and even more for not asking about it in the morning. She probably doesn’t even remember the exchange now, but the fact that she responded at all definitely helped.

The breakdown started when we were all at PURE. I couldn’t find a guy there to make out with like I’d intended, and my knee and feet were hurting. I was in love with Katelin for agreeing to go upstairs with me. I was in some serious pain and I really just didn’t want to go up alone. My pain made me ridiculously boring though, so when Nicole and Ashley agreed that they’d be cool to head to somewhere not clubby, I was very happy. Katelin stayed for a little longer and I hope she had fun!

The first hint of tears came on the walk back to the Flamingo. I tried to kind of keep it just between Nicole and I that I needed to stay active until I was ready to pass out or I would end up crying. I immediately regretted saying anything, because I couldn’t hold them back once someone else knew that they might come. Nicole and Ashley were awesome though in being super supportive, both of the reasons that I was crying and the fact that I didn’t want to cry anymore.

So upstairs we went. It was time to get into more comfortable clothes and check out what kind of damage we could do on the slots. Before the tears, I was totes down to do this in pajamas. Post tears though, the skinny jeans and heels were making an appearance. The night wasn’t over, who said I couldn’t find a boy in the casino to hit on me? Or maybe even convince me to go somewhere else where I would want to be more presentable than the booty shorts I wore to bed on the trip. (Thinking back, the booty shorts might have been a better option for that making out thing.)

My roommate was actually in the room, which was good because it meant that a few others came to join us to hang out for a little while before we headed back down to the casino.

Playing the slots was fun, though someone has a very pokey excited finger. (No bruise, and now I’m totes missing that finger. Also the winning that was coming with it!) I was up about $45/50 bucks for the night, which would have been about breaking even for the weekend, when I should have gone up and gone to bed. But if you read my last post, you already know that I don’t trust my gut on these things, so I stayed. My mood spiraled pretty quickly, though I hope that I was doing a decent job of hiding that, though I really don’t know if I was.

I went upstairs and had the full on breakdown. The kind of breakdown in which I knew that I wouldn’t want to get up in the morning, so I forced myself to pack as much as I could so I could sleep in the morning instead. The entire time I was crying. Mostly because I felt really alone and I felt that it was something I couldn’t do anything about either.

I often feel left out of things, like no one cares if I’m there. The last year or so of my life has included more of this feeling than ever before. I really don’t understand it, I don’t hear about things until after they happen or right before so I can’t go anyway. When I am places, I sometimes feel like I disappear and I might as well not be there anyway. It’s not so fun. What’s weird about feeling that way in my hotel room in Vegas though, is that I was invited to things that weekend, and people did notice me.

Even though there were smaller groups within the large group, at no time did I feel that I couldn’t hang out with any of those smaller groups. So pretty much, this was me feeling rejected by a bunch of guys I didn’t want at PURE, and projecting my feelings from the last year onto this group of amazing people who don’t deserve that at all.

Why do I get this feeling in such an awesome group? Because I’m lame. I have this desire to be sought out, to know that it’s not just appreciated that I’m there, but that I’m wanted there when I’m not.

Why couldn’t I have focused on the lunches and brunches that I was invited to? Or the texts from my roommate and other friends when we were doing different things, asking where I was? What about that awesome new friend who stopped by your slot machine and leaned in to tell you she thought you looked beautiful that night? Hello Katherine! Those are things that indicate that people want you around! Not only that, but even if you don’t interact with them, they are noticing you!

Also, the times that people went and did things that I wasn’t explicitly invited to? Totes nothing wrong with that. If I’d wanted to go, I should have made that clear. I should have been seeking people out as well.

This is the kind of thing that seems to work just like chivalry, which I don’t believe I can expect if I’m not also willing to give. This is why I will probably hold the door open for you if you I get there first (or go through a non-spinning one with you in solidarity).

I really can’t wait to go back again next year and show all of the awesome people who are there what it’s really like to hang out with me. I’m pretty sure that the times people did see me, they didn’t get that I wasn’t so happy. Especially since when I was around everyone I was happy! But I definitely didn’t see anyone nearly enough.

That’s going to change, and I hope that it’s going to change before BiSC 2012. I’m coming to see all you awesome people, whether you invite me or not!

My New Friend

This is a continuation of the writing prompt project that I am officially naming Writing is Elementary. I first posted about it a few weeks ago, but the basis is that there’s this fun Write Source site I found with writing prompts for elementary school grade levels.

A few ladies have joined me in writing these, check out their posts and then come back to read about My New Friend!

Kaci and what’s under her bed
Germana and who is at the zoo!
I feel like there are more, but I’m totally drawing a blank and I dropped the ball with keeping up with them as I hot links before. Please let me know if you’ve posted as well!

And now here’s my entry for the Second Grade week.

My new friend

Usually when someone is a new friend, it’s someone whom you have recently met. Someone you didn’t know before. I have some great friends that fit that description and I’m rather tempted to write about them right now. I’ve got someone else on my mind lately though.

No, it’s not The Professor.

This new friend is amazingly inspiring. She’s recently taken the biggest leap in life that doesn’t include a ring or fertilization. The thing is, I’ve known this friend for about two years.

This friend and I were both English majors, and when another English major pulled me into the swing dance community, the amazing dance skills and striking beauty of this friend totally intimidated me. At first I thought that she didn’t like me, and later I found out there was kind of a legit reason for that. Lucky for both of us, for more than our friendship, that reason is definitely not a reason anymore.

The past year has been crazy for this friend. She’s gone through some serious loss and even though we still weren’t close at all, it pained me to see her hurt and not know how to help her. She had some good friends around her though, so I just put faith in them to get her though. Man did they ever!

She graduated last semester and had about a million jobs while she was in school. During her last semester, she and I got a bit closer. I went through some stuff that really brought me down and she was so amazing about letting me go on about it even when I’m sure she wanted to tell me to shut up. I mean, I wanted to tell me to shut up! Twitter definitely helped with this new connection for us, though I don’t know that either of us really knows why.

We’re both glad it happened though. Especially in this last month.

I was lucky enough that this awesome friend took my advice and signed up for a dating site. She wasn’t looking for anything too serious (but please don’t read that as she was looking to hook up) because she already knew that it had to be short term. There was a guy who kind of stood out and she took a Chance that I’m super proud of her for!

Even with that distraction, she and I managed to sneak in a lot of time together in the last month. A week and a half ago we met up, for what we thought would be the last time, for lunch on a Friday only to find ways to see each other on Saturday and Sunday, and then again on the following Thursday!

Sadly Thursday was the last time I will see her for a little while. But her recent (as in she left the Friday after our last drinks – that weren’t even drinks by the way new friend!) move to South Korea will definitely get me some stamps in the passport I need to get ASAP!

Most of you reading are probably already familiar with Gina but if you’re not, check her out now. Her blog is sure to get extra good now that she’s got so much new happening with teaching English in South Korea!

I love her and I already miss her! Gotta get my butt to South Korea like, now!

Writing Practice

I was supposed to write this post yesterday, but then my 5 month old niece was at my house and then I went wine tasting, so I got a little distracted. For those of you following along with this plan, sorry for the delay.

Just last week I posted about a new fun writing prompt I found and the semi-group project of using these silly prompts for blogs.

I thought about whether we should all pick our own of the prompts, or whether we should write about the same one and I’m thinking that picking our own is the best. Some of these things I really have nothing to write for, so why would I expect everyone to have experience with one I picked?

I’m going to do this for Thursday this week, and hope to keep it up for Thursday each week after that.

So this week will be a topic from “Grade 1″ on the Write Source. The options are as follows:

A special birthday
I’d like to see . . .
The biggest thing I ever saw
Noisy times and quiet times
I like to make . . .
What if toys could talk?
My shopping list
Don’t litter!
Big pets and small pets
Insects, insects everywhere
I’m happy when . . .
How plants grow
My adventure
Friendly places
My favorite foods
I know a lot about . . .
Picnic fun
Who’s at the zoo?
What will I share?
I rode on a . . .
The parade
I wonder why . . .
What’s under my bed?
What if I was 10 years old?
What makes me laugh?

I think that I’m going to go with, “What’s under my bed?” Though I won’t be writing it for a day or two, so that may change.

Let me know if you’re going to write and I’ll include a link to your blog! What topic do you think you’ll go with?

Lovely Locks

I have awesome hair. Like really. I got really lucky with my locks. I did pretty much nothing to them for the first 23 years of my life, at which point I met one of the most important people in my life. My hair stylist. This was the first time that I had a real style to my hair. Courtney added layers and eventually got me to try bangs and I have never looked back! Since then I have had highlights, and continue to try to get Courtney to take me shorter two or three times a year. It’s kind of awesome and Courtney and I have actually crossed paths socially, which is really awesome except when…

I dye my hair green and I don’t want her to know about it!

Ok, so actually that first paragraph is a little misleading. I dyed my hair a few times in junior high and high school, but considering the lavish amount of conditioner that I use and the low frequency of the dying, it didn’t leave any lasting damage. This is why I had no hesitation when I wanted to be an “army girl” for Halloween of 2009 and decided to do the hair green too!

I’ve also done some drastic cuts before, doing a bob at my chin from cutting off about 11 inches and donating it to Locks of Love.

It’s been more than a year now since Courtney and I have been dying over and trimming off the green and it’s finally gone!

That means that I’m back to a place in which I can donate my hair if I wanted to. Supposedly it’s not supposed to be dyed, but lots of people tell me that they don’t believe that my hair currently has highlights, which is just dumb of them.

I don’t have the length to donate my hair right now, but that isn’t the only way that I can do some good with my hair. Especially with St. Baldrick’s Day coming up. For those who are unfamiliar and too lazy busy to click through, St. Baldrick’s is an annual event in support of finding a cure for children’s cancers. Participants in the event shave their head for donations and the proceeds go toward research that will hopefully find cures in the near future!

Don’t worry, I don’t plan on participating by shaving my head this year. It’s something I’ve thought about though and will probably do at some point. I’ve always wanted to try a short hair style anyway, I might as well go all out and style it as it’s growing back in, right?

One thing that seems a little odd is that I’m not seeing anything about donations of longer hair, just about the money coming in from shaving. I would definitely want to donate what I could to Locks of Love, so I hope that they do suggest that to the participants with longer hair!

How about you? Ever thought about a drastic change? Would you go as far as shaving your head?

Writing is Elementary.

If you blog, you understand the frustration of not knowing what to write about. There are probably things that you thought of only hours, maybe even minutes ago, that totally escape you now that you’re in front of a computer and able to get them into a more visceral form. If you’re on twitter, you’ve probably posted about it, much like Lauren did the other day. It started a fun conversation between she, Kaci and I, which ultimately ended up with me Googling “what should I write about?”

Well, just like it always does, Google came through for me!

Write Source was one of the first things to come up, and it’s kind of cute. It’s got really short prompts designed for journaling, and maybe for use in the classroom? It’s set up as though it could be for the classroom, so I went into teacher mode!

I suggested that Lauren, Kaci and I take on a grade a week for inspiration. Even though I was pretty sure that it was just the future English teacher in me who would be excited about this, and I promptly prepared myself for them to ignore the suggestion. They both went for it! Just another reason that I love the internet!

The “Grade 1″ suggestions are as follows…

A special birthday
I’d like to see . . .
The biggest thing I ever saw
Noisy times and quiet times
I like to make . . .
What if toys could talk?
My shopping list
Don’t litter!
Big pets and small pets
Insects, insects everywhere
I’m happy when . . .
How plants grow
My adventure
Friendly places
My favorite foods
I know a lot about . . .
Picnic fun
Who’s at the zoo?
What will I share?
I rode on a . . .
The parade
I wonder why . . .
What’s under my bed?
What if I was 10 years old?
What makes me laugh?

I can’t wait to pick one and get started. I might even go for two! I’m way behind on reading blogs, so these ladies may have already gotten started, but I’m going to start my more formal structure of this next week. I’m not sure exactly how it will go yet, but I’ll explain it all then. Everyone is welcome to join, how fun would it be to jump back to elementary school writing prompts, but now write about them from an adult older perspective!

Who else is joining us? Any suggestions on which I should write about?

Totally stealing this idea from Amanda K

Well, technically the idea of a list goes back much further than I’m sure Amanda K does, but reading one of her recent posts is what is inspiring this one, you get the idea.

Amanda has a great list of goals for the month of February that are all somewhat love related. I’m kind of not liking this whole love focus thing, but I’m trying to branch out, so I’ll continue the love inspiration too!

In the month of February I would like to…

1. Perfect my glitter shoes technique, because I love the feeling that is only achieved when creating something.
2. Attend every class period for all my classes, because I love getting good grades.
3. Go through my closet for a clothing swap or donating, because I like to have room in my closet and then I’ll need to go shopping!
4. Add weights to my workout routine that seems to be mostly my dance class, because I love my body and would like to show it some care.
5. Make meals to bring to school/work because I love the money that is staying in my account when I don’t buy food.
6. Comment on more blogs that I read, because I love sharing love with the awesome people whose blogs I seem to be lurking lately!
7. Get back into music because I’ve always loved it, but it’s been dangerous for me lately. I want the love back!
8. Get to bed at a decent hour most nights because I love it when I don’t have to use concealer under my eyes.
9. Plan a shopping get together for bay area folk going to Bloggers in Sin City, because I’d love to have my outfits planned early for the trip.
10. Blog more regularly (3 times a week), because I love the feeling of getting things out of my own head.
11. Figure out what I need to do with school since my Sign Language 2 class fell through, because I’d love to no longer be in school!

Some of these ended up being pretty similar to Amanda’s, but that’s because she has an awesome list! I can’t wait to tell you all that I have done all of these things!

Happy New Year!

Whoa do I feel like I have a million things to say. The trouble is that I don’t seem to know how to share without over sharing. This has kept me quiet recently, but no longer!

I’ve been reading some amazing blogs lately by some really amazing ladies who are showing me that it’s ok to still be figuring some things out at 27.

At the risk of being cliche and whatnot, I’ve got some plans for the next 363 days or so. For the biggest things I want to do, I’ve been inspired by some of the best things that happened in my life in the previous 367 days…

I got a niece! Her name is McKayla and that would be her smiling just a few days ago while I was making silly noises. She also likes to give me weird looks when I say bless you after she sneezes. Perhaps one day I’ll post that video.

McKayla has this magical effect in which I want to be super awesome. Not only to be a great role model for her, but to definitely be the coolest of her aunts and uncles. I have to admit that if I just buck up and do the things that make me happy, there’s no way that I can not do that.

This is what I wore on New Year’s Eve and it was lots of fun. Please excuse the lack of having done my hair for the dressing room at Express. The inspiration that this conjures though is to build my wardrobe. I feel like I wear the same things all the time, which is ok for the most part, but I’d like to be able to mix it up when I’d like. Plus, you know, having a good party dress on hand is definitely something that could come in handy.

This would be the main accessory to my NYE dress. At least this is them in their transition from basic brown heels I found at Goodwill to turquoise glitter heels!!!

I’m not sure yet what all the projects will be yet, but I’m going make something new at least once a month this year. I’m hoping to start on a baby blanket this week. I should actually be able to finish it if I can get a few hours in, but Melinda and I may get distracted by an adorable (almost) 10 month old.

And this tall drink of water would be my other main accessory last Friday night. Valerie and I work together and hung out for the first time outside of work on New Year’s Eve. It was nothing short of awesome. Hanging out with a new friend is definitely in the top 2 ways I have ever spent New Year’s Eve. Especially if that myth that the way you spend NYE is indicative of the way that the rest of your year will go. I mean, hanging out with new friends is a pretty awesome way to do it right?

So I plan on doing that a bit more this year.

Seriously though, the first three hours of this year were the coolest. One awesome friend I’ve known for a while and one new one with In-n-Out burger!

(And yes, she’s wearing the heels I glittered because her shoes were not working for her at the end of the night. How many of you just picked up on the fact that my new friend and I wear the same size shoes? Bonus!)

Previous picture removed by request.

I fell in love with the kind of man I didn’t believe existed. Even better than that, he fell in love with me too! That hasn’t lasted through the year, but that’s ok.

The only inspiration I have from this is to remember that it’s possible and keep doing all the other things that make me happy.

I think McKayla will help with that last bit.

Perspective Change

I am severely under motivated today. I have thoughts on the image below and I would love to discuss it, but it’s just not coming. I think the image speaks for itself anyway.

Sadly I don’t know who designed it. I found it through Facebook, they guy who posted it stated that he didn’t design it, did not credit who did, I assumed that he doesn’t know either.

You know what, screw not being motivated. I’ve got an hour before I need to leave for work and I can spend at least half of that time writing!

The fact that I have that kind of time means that I should use it for something productive, and this isn’t even the most productive thing I could be doing! The fact that my time is only interrupted by the fact that I have to go to work is amazing, and I should remember that.

I’ve let myself get discouraged and frustrated by things lately that are either beyond my control, or just silly to worry about when you put things into perspective. I mean, while I’m struggling to make sure that I have rent tomorrow and I have way more debt than I’d ever like (as in I have debt at all), I still know that I have a place to stay, whether my own or through the help of some awesome friends, and I have no doubt that I will have enough to eat today (or any other day for that matter). There are a lot of people in my own town who don’t know that these things will be happening for them, or maybe even know that it won’t.

This poster came at the perfect time for me. It has helped to refocus my perspective and is helping to push me more to work on the community garden in the hopes of having excess produce to donate to food pantries!

So thank you very much to my friend Joyce over at Cayelani Studio for bringing this to my attention. I wish I knew who designed it, possibly even get a print to remind me of just how blessed I am.

What’s in a name? Part Deux!

Now for a slight focus change on the name issue. This time it’s not my name, but the name I have to come up with for something. I hope you remember the post last week about my desire to start some sort of urban community farm. Perhaps you’ve even noticed that tab in the top right corner that I’ve started in hopes of getting some information about this project up and make some decisions. (Don’t bother clicking on it just yet, I have nothing there, hopefully by the end of the day I will though!)

I’d like to get going on this project and start getting the word out there, but I feel as though I should have some sort of name for it before I go handing out flyers or business cards or anything of that sort. A name gives it some sort of authority, purpose. That’s where the name question comes into play.

I could easily go with something like “Midtown Farm” except that it’s not the only community garden in the midtown/downtown Sacramento area, and I don’t want it to be misleading. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and I’ve had pretty much zero inspiration on that front. Since some of the information is going to be tied to this site for at least a little while, I was thinking of using “pure midtown farming” or something like that, but (and I know this is going to shock some of you who know me) I don’t want this to be all about me.

If this is supposed to be about the fruits and vegetables, it should probably be more about that. So I’m asking for help. With the collective minds of awesome people reading this, I’m pretty sure we could have a name in no time.

The best part though, is that I’ve decided that I don’t really need a name to get some information out. So while we’re working on that and getting it figured out, I’ll be putting together some information and trying to build some interest around the neighborhood.

I figure that once we actually have a site and people involved to have some direction to the project, that’s when we can figure out a name that matches the spirit behind the project.

Even so, I’d like to have some ideas to go into it, so let’s get some ideas flowing!