I’ve been sitting on the couch, trying to figure out what to write about for at least half an hour while watching the season premiere of America’s Next Top Model. As much as I have loved Tyra, I don’t exactly think of her as the most inspiring of people, yet it was a line that she said that struck a chord and reminded me of something I wanted to write about on Tuesday.
“The opposite of love isn’t hate. The opposite of love is indifference.”
This isn’t the first time that I’ve come across this idea, but it was just perfect for what just happened in my head and in my heart.
On Tuesday I had the kind of day that upon reflection at the end of the night, I realized right away that it was just the perfect day for final processing of a relatively recent event.
I said in one of my VEDA videos that I would always love my ex. That is no longer the case.
Some contact that has been made recently briefly allowed me the hate that I never thought I could have for my ex. As soon as that happened, I took the advice of a really good friend and decided to “brush it off and move on…and be [me].”
I didn’t realize until Tuesday when I saw someone who knows him that I had become indifferent. I had no problem talking to this person and just saying hello. I also didn’t care that I really didn’t look good. (You know you always want to look good when you run into an ex’s friend.) Later I met someone who had a connection to him, and while me of even, say, 6 months ago might have said something, I really didn’t. A friend who was with me wanted elaboration on something mentioned and I told her that I would tell her over coffee if she really wanted details.
I really just didn’t care. It took me another hour or two to realize how much my ex had even infiltrated my day, which for me is a huge sign of indifference.
Lying in bed that night I thought about writing the next day about how it had just been a great night and I loved the realization. When I sat down to write yesterday though, I didn’t think of it at all. Nor had I thought about it at work.
I’ve even walked away from this post several times and have to keep bringing myself back to it. It’s a story I want to tell, the topic is just pretty flat to me now.
I guess for the second time this week I get to write about growth.
Also, because I always love finding true irony, my ex told me that he knew he wouldn’t change my mind about him. If you don’t get that irony, please reread this post.