The past nine months have not exactly been fun when it comes to emotions and having to deal with them and all.
Nine months ago I was absolutely, positively head over heels in love. I would have hopped a plane to Vegas had the idea been suggested, whether I had the money or not. All that really mattered to me was the man that I was with and the fact that I could do anything as long as he was by my side.
I was totally ready to marry this man.
He wasn’t the man he had tried to be while with me though. The story of the breakup is not one that I want to get into detail with here. For those who stuck through the months of not-so-me tweets and postings, thank you. The rest of you aren’t really here to read this, and I’m getting off my topic anyway.
Part of my troubles with getting back to myself is that during my relationship with Shadow Boy* I grew to a point in which I became ready for marriage. After the breakup, I was still ready to be married, but the person I wanted that to be with was not an option.
Dating isn’t exactly easy when you’re already in a place that you’re ready for a ring though, because it’s hard to just get to know someone slowly. I don’t know that I could possibly explain myself adequately, so I’ll settle for inadequate and vague! I know that I want to take time to get to know someone, but at the same time, I already want to be at that comfortable stage where sitting at home reading for homework or writing an essay is still awesome to be doing together.
It’s rather frustrating.
In some ways, The Professor and I were getting to that comfortable stage pretty easily, and I could see that happening with us both having so much homework if we were still seeing each other. (More on that later, I’m bummed but it’s ok.)
When thinking more about it, I realized that it’s not going to be easy to be ready to “settle down” while also trying to date. Dating is supposed to be adventurous and exciting, while the phrase, “settle down” is just the opposite of that. (That’s not to say that people who are married are not having adventures, in fact I know that to be the opposite!) While thinking about this at work the other day, I was struck with an idea.
I’m ready to be married, and I need to be taking care of myself right now.
So why don’t I just marry myself?
Stop laughing, I’m totes serious. (You can tell because I said, “totes.”)
I mentioned it to an awesome co-worker, and she totally understood without me having to explain. I think she might do the same, which is awesome because now I’ll have a non-couple to double date with! We’re actually going to check out Sacramento Magazine‘s 10 Best Cocktails and discuss life and such some time this week.
Perhaps after we do that I’ll be able to let you know a little more about what I mean with this whole marrying myself kind of thing!
*I know that I had changed his name, but considering how things turned out and why, I think I was right about him from the beginning.