June is apparently the month of frustration for me. Even now, when I’ve gotten past the intimidation of the guy I mentioned a couple weeks ago, but there is other frustration coming from that source.

We’ve both done some things that I believe the other has read into in unintended ways. As far as I can tell though, I have done what I could to figure things out and get back on the same page. I don’t think that he’s done the same. I’m not really sure though because we haven’t had a lot of time one on one to talk about stuff.

I’m no longer intimidated by his smart and such, but I’m still just as intrigued and hopeful to be able to learn from him. At this point though, it seems that learning will be mostly platonic.

This is the first time that I have ever experienced this awkward time where there was a possibility of something, and then it seems that things aren’t going to happen but there’s still a decent level of communication and I don’t feel anxious about seeing him at dodgeball each week. Sure, I’ll have the weird knot in my stomach because the crush is still there, but I’m sure that will loosen each week, if not by the end of this week’s dodgeball night.

This isn’t how I thought that things would go. It’s not even the way that I’m wanting them to go. The thing is though, that I’ve done all that I can do. There’s no way that he can’t know that I like him. I mean, I’ve flat out told him that I like him. I’m pretty sure that he likes me too. I’ve put some pieces together for some reasons as to why he might not be taking action on this amazing chance acting on this mutual attraction, but to honor those excuses and wait around for him isn’t fair to me. I’m not going to do it.

Especially when there are other boys who are interested in me.

At the moment, I still want the intimidator, but he’s got to come after me now. I hope he doesn’t take too long.